I Put 4 "Healthy" Alcohols to the Ultimate Hangover Test

When considering all the nuggets of wisdom that I retained from my college experience, alongside the value of an internship, the defining works of the expressionist movement, and "how to build a media plan" exists a long list of alcohols to avoid at all costs. I liken the handful of truly dreadful hangovers I went through from the ages of 18 to 22 to some of the great lectures I witnessed: all necessary experiences for a better-adjusted adulthood. (I don't touch Jäger for this very reason.)

I've long since graduated from hangover avoidance 101. I know that sugary cocktails are a fast track to nausea, for example, and that for me personally, there really is some truth to the whole wine-before-liquor adage. But as more "healthy" alcohol options continue to hit our wellness-obsessed market, I've wondered if maybe it's time to dive into an advanced course. Organic wines are better for the environment, sure, but is there really truth to the notion that they can curb a headache? And are adaptogenic beverages really worth all the hype?

The punch-drunk holiday season seemed as good a time as any to find out, so I set the stage for a little experiment. I got my hands on four "healthy" beverages that have a reputation for mitigating hangovers, ranging from organic vodka to biodynamic red wine. I'd devote a night to each alcohol without any deviation, with a three-drink rule. That way, I'd know I was consuming roughly the same amount of each. Because reaction to alcohol is so dependent on personal constitution, I recruited friends on each of the four evenings to imbibe with me, drink for drink. The next morning, I rated my hangover on a scale of zero to five (five being the apocalyptic, sunglasses-indoors, never-drinking-again kind of misery).

The results were telling, to say the least. Keep reading to see which drink won out.