People of all genders experience orgasm anxiety. Orgasm anxiety is exactly what it sounds like—an anxiousness that stems from the inability to relax, perform, and have a good time in a sexual space. "This anxiety generally comes through as pesky thoughts popping up when all you want to do is focus on feeling good," explains Jessica Graham, sex and intimacy guide and author of Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out. "Usually it's fears you're taking too long, insecurities about how you look or sound, and even worries that you're too 'orgasmic.' As if there could be such a thing."
Because female sexuality and pleasure aren't discussed in our culture in an open and accepting way, many women rely on themselves to figure it all out. Women don't always feel empowered to talk about what they want sexually and how they feel while engaging in sex—mostly because we're taught not to. "There's a high percentage of women who experience pain during sex and never even tell their partners," says Graham. "We live in a culture that creates insecurities around physical appearance. Many women feel their bodies aren't quite right.
"They focus more on if there's a fat roll showing rather than if they're getting the most out of sexual pleasure. Plus, in our go-go-go society, there's not much room for slow, goal-less activity—including in the bedroom. There's a ton of emphasis on the destination (in this context, orgasm) and not enough on how pleasurable, fun, and hot sex can be. Orgasm anxiety is incredibly common. It's the number one issue my clients of all genders come to me with."
If you had an unresolved argument, unhealed issues, or repressed trauma, they can also occupy the space and show up in your bed as blocks, adds Kim Anami, a sex and relationship coach.
